j: where are u

me: angus house

j: whose house?? 

retard.. i love you anyway

i am starting to think that transient friendships might just be a character deficit of mine. it's not that i get bored of people[as what kenny always tells me. bitch], it's more of life moving too fast. going with the flow invariably leads to friendships lost along the way, reduced to one of those hihowreyoudoing on facebook posts, either that or an over-enthusiastic bigassgirlyhug and loud exclamations of OHIVEMISSEDYOU when i actually haven't 

just a few of my gripes today, that i'm not that good at balancing my friends. then again when i was telling sally, we agreed that a few constant groups of friends should suffice. coming and going is just part and parcel of what we deal with. and i have to admit la, i don't put nearly enough effort into maintaining friendships. then again, friendships, in an ideal world, should come by naturally and not us having to force them into existence! a fine example would be the stupid class outings that we shun.. 

being a girl and dealing with girl politics is a major stinker. when boys don't see each other it's just a hey how're you and a few friendly grunts handed around. whereas somehow girls have to go through a whole plethora of put-on emotions, exaggerated claims of OHMYGOD yadayada.. i have been guilty of that, but i'm starting to think it's more of a social phenomenon and i simply have to act my part

being a girl is gross sometimes.. but beats the boys going off for bmt! PHUKET next week as a pre-bmt celebration of sorts. i can't wait :D sun , sand, sea and my favourite clique with me as the groupie, what's not to love 

studying days, so over! 

prom was exciting, with the people i'm closest to in school. only wish bims was there though.. chan liying, no one does girl talks in the canteen and at parkway with me like you do baby. 

the awesome school clique

my girls! loved getting ready for prom with them.

2/5 +1 of the click 5 .. pictures not uploaded by ting ting boy on facebook. fucking snaillll 

now to uncertainty. what do i do with the months ahead of me??

somedays i just want out. then i remember the promise i once made to melissa- that i would try to be less of the escapist that i have always been

what would i do without mel mel and ser hua? 

valley of ashes-a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges and hills and grotesque gardens; where ashes take the form of houses and chimneys and rising smoke, and finally, with a transcendant effort, of ash-grey men, who move dimly and already crumbling through the powdery air

don't want to be mediocre, don't want to be an ashgreyman moving through the crowd. fucking hate mediocrity 

life's been absolutely hectic. thankfully training has stopped, because my legs no longer feel like mine. 

yesterday it was kenny's birthday, the whole clique turned up.. it's been awhile since we all let loose and had fun. summer's changed everything, for the first time in a long time ALL OF US ARE SINGLE HAHAHAHA birthday changed to lonelyhearts gathering, melissa the chair, kenny vice-chair and the rest of us the minions, what's new. bday boy went DOWN so bad, my mom let him sleep in the guest room.. loser 

i can't stress how much i love you guys. going through all that shit with me, enduring all my rants during that fucked period [bloody long it was too], handing me tissues when i [hide to] cry and sometimes i don't hide fast enough. but like josh said, what else do i want to hide when we've all seen each other drooling at 4 yrs old. hear hear!  

i'm free. i made the decision, and i'm going to stick to it.  no questionings, no what-ifs, no what-couldhavebeens.. that chapter of my life has ended irrevocably. 

wasted far too much time dithering about waiting for us to make up our minds. i'm just glad i did it. today, as i lounged on josh's couch, i felt a sense of relief wash over me.. haven't felt so at peace in awhile. 

Tomorrow, we will run faster, stretch our arms out farther.. And one fine morning-- 

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. 

"There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy, and the tired." 

Gatsby yearns for Daisy, Myrtle for Tom, everyone lusts after the elusive American Dream, and its promises of the Golden Boy and Girl. consequently they are all kept busy.. ironic isn't it, when all they pursue are either ethereal or too shallow, too intangible to be kept close. Gatsby.. he does not tire of his pursuit of Daisy, even til his death he remained a fool. Owl-eyes phrased it all too succinctly for me.. 'that poor son of a bitch'. in the end i realize that they are tired and dissatisfied with what they have because of the inherent superficiality of their desires. 

so many paradoxes in a seemingly simple utterance by Nick, i think this is by far the most resounding quote of TGG that got stuck in my head the 849327594076th time i'm reading it. everytime i read TGG i take away a different thought, it's so amazing. 

at this point in my life, thrills are but illusory.. i can't see what they promise, they elude me.

lit lesson was especially intriguing today. jwei and i had our usual consultation sessions with Mrteo at the treehouse post-lesson for our h3 writeups and chats about life. 

i find it disturbing that i keep seeing similarities between daisy buchanan and i as we go through the great gatsby during lessons. flighty, flighty, flighty. quote 'it was all very careless and confused. they were careless people, tom and daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made...' it just scares me that sometimes my lack of groundedness, for lack of a better word, bears the slightest resemblance to daisy. it was then and there, reading through nick's soliloquy that i made up my mind to be more responsible for my actions. 17 this year, no more shit.. can't use the lack of maturity as an excuse. 

on the other hand, jwei had a worse parallel with Ferdinand that got Mrteo all interested, so our lit consultation evolved into a gossip session. the jealousy of Ferdinand has no bounds [and jwei's, presumably :D] 

new blog new start. now if i could pick up from where we left off.. life would be just about peachy. 

hello hello, i miss you quite terribly.