I'm finally in my penultimate year. It's been hell of a ride this year, mainly emotionally. As I was telling Shun, I don't think my tear ducts were ever used the past 20 years of my life as much as they were put into use this year alone, bless them. Couple of times I got my faith in people completely shaken, intense quarrels with intense friends, and lastly, Ah gong's unexpected demise. It was so fast, up til today it feels surreal.
So, today's dedicated to Ah gong. I'm sorry I wasn't verypatient right at the end, I know I could have done better, and I really hate all these what-could-have-been's that run through my head because of that.
It's odd. I used to get so annoyed when you try to give me more money or food or anything, but now I feel a void in my life without someone nagging after me. Or complaining about anything that annoys him.. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I could dream (I sleep too soundly for my own good..) so that I could at least see/hear him, like my uncles tell me when they dream about him.
Ah gong doted on all of us so much. If I could learn something from him it would be generosity of heart. He was always so nice to the postman/ construction workers/ repairmen, when they came over to our house to do work he always went out of his way to offer them drinks on a hot day. Little things like that go a long way.
P/s on a light-hearted note.. At his funeral, I was horrified to see on the altar, they gave him vegetarian food and water. OH THE TRAVESTY, Ah gong did not drink water, citing "lack of taste". The doctors always marvelled how healthy he was given his terrible diet, drinks-wise, of beer and apple juice. Lol. And so, I had to explain to the monks and funeral people to Screw Propriety, and put some beer at the altar as offerings to my Ah gong. Water!?
