back from bangkok with mommy. failed shopping trip, became more like intensive gym+swim for me, and intensive massages and spas for her, stuff that she says i will 

grow to like. 

mm, yummy 1st meal with my my favourite olive dips, think this was at gaysorn. 

in and out of suan lam within 15 minutes, mom here couldn't take the sweltering heat.. hehe lousy

my must haves, despite how much my mom abhors thai cuisine

good quality time with the mother indeed! 

yesterday at velvet i was giving kw, sean, bellaella the lowdown on melb. appreciate your concern guys, but all i need now is some support, i know it's hard especially because it's me we're talking about here. how do i sustain a relationship by looking at you and talking to you through a box, i myself have no idea. 

like any other rational person.. i detest doing things that i have no confidence in. what else is the point, might i ask? but then sometimes you turn that all around with reassuring words and then i feel like i'm falling for you all over again. i'm holding on to that box full of photographs that you gave me daryl. thank you for having faith in me when i have none in myself, i'll try this out for you. 

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

why can't the initial heady happy feeling last forever